My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
