Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
should my penis look like a turkey
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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