dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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