Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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