i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina is officially offended.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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