Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We need to get me chipped asap
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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