remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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