hell yes lets make some ravioli
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
