He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
