I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
