farters have to be the big spoon...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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