There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
