I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
