I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
