ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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