I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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