he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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