My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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