You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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