I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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