is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
