So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your penis caused this!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
