So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
