my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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