girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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