i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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