I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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