I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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