Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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