we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
