hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
