You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
