peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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