I must be too annoying 4 u.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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