Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
