the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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