We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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