Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
