So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
