Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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