he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize