Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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