So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
