Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
