Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
