Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
