I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize