do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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