Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
