I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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