We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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