Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
