My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
