Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
