fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
