At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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