oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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