dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
