I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
