Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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