That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
